Maureen Healy

Calming a child’s mind is like tilling soil. It is the necessary preparation needed before planting any seeds. Adults, educators and parents alike all perform the awesome role of planting powerful metaphorical seeds in their children. Such seeds are of happiness, insight, kindness, ethics and harmony. A child’s mind that is calm tends to be more “open” to receive such teachings and ready to allow such seeds to grow. And with such insight a child begins to craft his or her world anew everyday.

The world is full of countless choices. Children must decide on whether or not to—steal a piece of gum, cheat on a math quiz or join a group in bullying the small kid on the playground! It is these seemingly simple choices that soon build a child’s character and sense of self. And in these “choice moments” it is optimum if a child learns to respond with calmness rather than getting swayed by afflictive emotions (i.e. anger, jealousy, fear, insecurity, sadness, unworthiness). A child with a calm resting mental state has more of a capacity to clearly think in a “choice moment” and make a smart choice. And isn’t that what every parent wants a child to do – make smart choices?

Cultivating Calmness

Cultivating calmness in children takes practice. It is a day-by-day effort. What calms one child may excite another. Every child is different. Once I was teaching a children’s dharma class with over 20 kids aged four to twelve years old. It was time for a group meditation. Most of the kids were able to sink quickly into the guided meditation and enjoyed a deep feeling of peace. Four-year-old Charlie was a jumping bean and was bee-bopping all around his mat. Basically his biology, emotions and mind were not in a place that could rest. So Charlie and I later took a meditation walk to calm his mind. So, there are many techniques to cultivate calmness.

Often I am asked, “What is the best meditation for my child?” My typical response is greeted with a smile. The best meditation is really the one that works! There is no silver bullet that helps every child. You must, as an awakened adult, “go to” where your child is, help him or her experience a greater level of peace (even momentarily) and then commit to keep going back there to cultivate it.

Some common practices to start fostering calmness in children are meditation, specially designed movements like yoga, and quiet walks in nature. For example, Charlie, a jumping bean in the meditation class, was immediately relaxed outside, as it provided him the perfect outlet to be actively calm. And this is an important point. Calm children are not dull. They are actively engaged in generating a stillness within, which reverberates in their outer world (i.e. behavior and choices).

A meditation sample is included at the end of this article, focusing upon cultivating a feeling of calmness within your child so that he or she can experience it, begin to mentally name it, and come back to it anytime it is needed.

The Happiness Connection

Guiding a child to learn how to experience calmness is extraordinary. It is opening a doorway to his or her emotional freedom. As Swami Sivananda explained, “to achieve that state of lasting happiness and absolute peace, we must first know how to calm the mind.” A calm mind really is the prerequisite for the seeds of peace and smart choices to bloom.

Earlier this year, I authored a peace curriculum for preschoolers to plant the seeds of peace and calmness in the youngest minds. I got to lead groups of young children through meditation and interactive lessons to understand peace, name it, cause it, and choose it. Such inner calm was captured over and over again by these kids.

Jacob, age 3, described his head “got tingly” during meditation. Amy, age 5, explained that her “heart was happy” during breathing exercises. Paco, age 4, said he “felt God” when he closed his eyes. Kids were able to not only identify the feeling of calmness but really took to the idea that they can cause it. And teaching kids to cause calmness is making them active participants in life rather than being mere spectators.